02/17/07: Serial killers defeated with butcher knives and boiling water; babies saved, went back to watching Jeopardy!.

07/11/07: Beat up a van full of stalker ninjas after watching a French film in a gymnasium.

10/19/07: On the beach, eating ice; with the 5th gorging mouthful, either I realized it was glass, or it turned to glass. Plus lots of sand.

11/14/07: Chased by a bearcat (yes, it’s a real animal); escaped by scooping stampeding rats into my jacket, clubbing them over the heads and tossing them back to feed the beast.

11/26/07: Found my life’s calling as the co-owner, co-proprietor of a budding hardware slash live bait enterprise.