Dude, things are bad when I spend all night with fever dreams about Lt. Jim Dangle from Reno 911!. Also, it was somehow not just necessary, but extremely urgent to wake up, right in the middle of the night, with the guest list for an all-important dinner party: Robert Osbourne, Ben Mankiewicz, Tom Colicchio, and Simon Baker as my date. Although, hmm; I think that one’s a keeper.

Also also, I have yet to get to the highly valued Lauren Bacall stage of sickness, at which I take full advantage of the throaty sexiness to re-record all my outgoing messages. On a scale of Bacall to Kermit the Frog: it’s not easy being green.

But it’s Christmas, Charlie Brown!